An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize