I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
