I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
