also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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