i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize