Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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