I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
