I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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