You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
