i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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