Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
