I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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