I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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