Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize