I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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