I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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