you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
