apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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