now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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