MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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