Kiss
Puke
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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