His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
