I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
