My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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