i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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