you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
