HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
