We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
