i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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