Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
