we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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