remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
