If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
