Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
