i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
