Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
