Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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