So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
