How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it because I queefed?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
