I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
