Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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