$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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