if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My ass is underappreciated
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
