Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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