# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
