honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
