these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
