Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
