So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
