Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize