i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
