yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
