My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
