i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
