that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
