they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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