My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
