I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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