Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
