So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
