Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize