peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
