Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Come on in and take your pants off
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