1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
