Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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