Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
