I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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