whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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