I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
