I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
