The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My life is pants optional.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
