If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to be your penis for a week.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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