I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
