I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
