He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
