Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
