Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize