She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
