I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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