The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
