There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
