Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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