i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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