i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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