oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
