I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
