How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
