Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
