weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize