My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
