i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
