Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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