totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize