Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
