Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
