Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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