Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
